


Trust

by animegoil



Category: Tsubasa Chronicle
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-26
Updated: 2010-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animegoil/pseuds/animegoil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It hurts to know that while he'll let himself cry in front of me, he doesn't trust me enough to let me see his face as he does so. He's not the only one hiding things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

> **Hello! Here with some Kuro/Fai flangst, though not as much as my other Fai/Kuro. Just a one-shot though, hope you enjoy!**

_He's so beautiful_, I thought, idly stroking his hair as I watched the moonlight play shadow games with the contours of his face. His sapphire eyes were closed, his breath easy and even, skin porcelain pale and just the barest touch of dampness still remnant from before. Long eyelashes fluttered for a moment, crystal droplets sticking to them, and I reached out, wiping those remaining tears from his face with my thumb. _Damn beautiful_, I repeated to myself.

I still didn't know what had happened, what could have possible marred his past so much as to make him wake up trembling in the night, gasping for air, crystal blue eyes tortured as they tried to come to terms with whatever had broken him down into the smiling rag doll he was now.

I don't think I'd understood just how deep his pain was before. I don't think I'd realized that whatever was controlling him from inside was doing so with a hold stronger than even Syaoran's will to save his Princess. That it controlled every aspect of his life, from his battles, where he refused to use his magic for reasons I was still unsure of, to his sleep. His smile, which was breathtaking enough as it was, reminded me of broken glass. A shard of glass, that despite being beautiful, would have been even more so if it belonged to the sculpture it came from. That despite being beautiful, invoked wariness, so as to not cut yourself with it, to keep your distance. Maybe that was what the little bastard wanted though. To stay away from everyone without giving himself away.

Fai was a living paradox. He was giving and friendly, and yet… that was just a surface act. Inside, he was a selfish loner in that he lived in his own trapped world and apparently didn't think enough of anyone- not even me, even after all we'd been through- to give even a little of himself, so that maybe we could nurse that piece, heal it, and somehow begin the process of melding back that broken glass sculpture. It ticked me off to no extent, and that was the opinion of him that I usually let him see. How much I hated him for his weakness.

I sighed, lifting my hand from his hair to run it through my own short hair. Maybe I shouldn't be so rough with him, but it was... hard to be anything but harsh to him. Usually it wasn't even because I was angry at him that I snapped at him, or held back from showing even a shred of kindness. It was more like our relationship had grown in a mold, and I didn't know how to break it. Sometimes I told myself, _It wouldn't be that hard if I said thank you right now, or smiled a little._ And it isn't, all I would have to do is open my mouth and say two words. But it was like something was stopping me, like my mind just wouldn't allow my body to follow that simple command. I exasperated myself, sometimes.

The first time I'd seen him, I'd been too busy with my dignified wrath at having been carelessly thrown away from my Tomoyo-hime's side and into an odd traveling alliance with two strangers, and having Souhi taken away by a bitch in a world supposedly called Japan, like mine. I suddenly realized what a friggin' kick Souma and Tomoyo-hime would have gotten out of my predicament, and cringed. I could see them fawning over Fai if they ever got the chance to see him, which they would, eventually, because my wish was going to come true no matter what, and if Fai's did too, that meant he'd be with us when we came across my world. And they would be even worse than that damned manjuu, probablymaking inapropriate comments about us... On second thought, maybe it wasn't such a good idea if theymet Fai.

I wished I had paid more attention to him, because maybe if I had seen the pain in his eyes earlier, I would have been nicer from the beginning, and kept myself from beginning the relationship of tease-and-yell that had grown unchangeable. Then it would have been easier to breach the abyss that existed between us.

It was only once we actually started traveling together that I began to notice the little things. How his smile hardly ever reached his eyes, deep and clear as water. How he had the habit of staring into the sky, and his fake smile would become even larger, if possible. He was irritating, saying everything in riddles, or lucky-guess-type suggestions. Playing the intelligence he obviously had into that of a fool's. I could see his games with the manjuu amused him, but they were clearly a way for him to cope. A way to keep his real hidden self, like everything else the idiotic mage did. He always slept with his back to us, if possible. I remember one time it wasn't and he'd looked momentarily flustered as he looked between the two kids and me, as if debating which one he could bear revealing a part of himself to.

I guess I was pleased that it was me. But that may have simply been because he didn't want to worry Syaoran and Sakura, who would most likely have made a fuss over him if they'd seen him that night. I remember I watched him closely, more out of curiosity, though yes, I admit that I was admiring him a bit too. There is no question about whether he is beautiful, even the biggest idiot would admit to that, it's just a fact I don't like acknowledging too much, maybe out of fear that I'll end up telling him that someday. I was surprised to see the tears that ran down his face as he slept, whispering a name over and over. It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry, and in his sleep no less. For some reason, the image left a deep impression in my mind, and for days afterwards, I couldn't help but think back to that night whenever I looked at him, and of how badly I'd wanted to get up and hold him, but something had held me back. I hadn't been ready for the barrage of emotion that had left me dazed that night.

The name he cried out in his sleep was Ashura. For the first time, I had hoped that Fai's wish didn't come true, and we did end up at back at his home world, because I felt like tearing the bastard to shreds. Especially now, as I watched him cry out of exhaustion brought on by tears.

Despite the obvious improvement, I guess there's some things that can't be changed, and even though he finally allowed himself to cry in front of me, and to see him break down for the first time, he still tried to hide himself. I was disappointed to realized that it was much too soon. The unveiling had not been complete. He'd kept his beautiful, moonlight-pale face lowered, pressed tight against my chest, trying to keep his silent sobs from crumbling his frame as much as he tried to keep the tears from falling onto my body. I told him, though not necessarily as comfortingly as I should have, to simply let it out, that I wasn't going to call him weak for it. But he's still being his selfish, closed self.

I never did once hear him sob, even in the quiet, and never felt the humid warmth of his tears. His arms around me had been tight though, and I liked to think that I gave him comfort and that maybe next time he'd let me see him cry.

And though I hated to admit it, in a way, it hurt, because it meant that he didn't trust me enough still. I knew that I couldn't force a miracle out of him, because this trust business was clearly part of what had happened with that Ashura. It makes me believe that maybe he'd been betrayed by him… I avoided thinking they were lovers, because for some reason, the thought made me feel something odd inside. I couldn't be sure what it was... but it certainly was not jealousy, or sadness, or longing. It wasn't... I shook my head, going back to my former train of that shitty Ashura had done to my Fai had to have been more than a simple case of betrayal for it to have left these crumbled pieces.

I wanted, more than anything else, to see the real Fai. To see him open up to me like he hadn't to anyone else. I wanted to be the one that he would give everything to, and I wanted to protect that fragile self in my arms forever. It was an innate desire that had begun to flare every time I looked at Fai and saw that damned fake smile of his. I had always been possessive of what was mine, and Fai was no exception.I intended, sometime, somehow, to make him mine and keep him forever.

I allowed myself one smile, even if he didn't get to see it, to have him curled up around me, his hand wrapped tightly around mine, long fingers overlapped by my large hand. They were so contrasting, mine large, callused and stocky, while his were long and slender, unmarred by even the smallest scar. His body looked small, engulfed by the large covers, and the hand stroking his hair was lifted to tuck the covers more firmly around him, before going back to trace those silky flaxen locks. I sighed, letting my mind wander a bit as I gazed at the moon beyond the window. I'd finally broken through what had held me back last time from holding him.

Small movement caught my attention, and Fai stirred lightly, turning his head and shifting his arms, before his crystal eyes opened a fraction of an inch. His lips parted, a drowsy voice escaping them, "Kurogane?"

"What?" I answered softly,making sure to let a hint of gruffness seep through my voice,my hand traveling from his hair to his cheek, stroking that smooth skin ever-so-gently.

His lips tugged upward, just a small smile, but like I'd thought, it was devastatingly beautiful with its simple honesty. I wanted to kiss those pale rose lips, but I didn't think I'd earned his trust enough for him to take to that too kindly, so I held back.

"Thank you," he whispered, and I smiled, just barely, aware that he wasn't the only one keeping things hidden.

"Go to sleep," I said, and his gentle, small smile widened just barely before he obeyed, closing his eyes.

* * *


End file.
